Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom. – Rabindranath Tagore
As you travel along your divorce journey, recognize that there is no set time for entering the realm of finding a new intimate relationship. Everyone’s journey is different, so don’t allow others to push you into a space that you are not ready for. However, when you find that you are ready to enter the dating space, remember that your goal is to seek a relationship that is healthy.
Oftentimes, it is easy to get caught up in the physical, social and spiritual attributes of a person, and forget the real qualities that foster a healthy, lasting relationship. You may have been in unhealthy relationships from the very beginning and may find it challenging to recognize what a healthy relationship looks like.
One of the key factors to consider before seeking a relationship, is to recognize where you are individually in your personal journey of life. That means, what are you doing that is great, or not so great physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially, and occupationally? You see, you don’t have to be perfect, however, you should be stable in each of those areas of your life before you decide to invite another individual into it. When you are broken and fragile, you invite broken and fragile into your life, and you know that the combination of broken + broken= broken.
It is imperative to take time after your divorce to heal and work on every area of your life. Divorce is a major life altering event that can shift various aspects of your life. Give yourself the opportunity to get to know you better, and gain clarity about what you truly want and need in the next chapter of your life.
A few key points to remember is that healthy relationships allow for individuality. Having your own interests and individual lives is important. Individuality keeps things interesting in the relationship, allows each person to be authentic, keeps personal boundaries in place, builds individual confidence and prevents each person from losing themselves while in the relationship. In addition, healthy relationships invite change and growth without insecurity, allowing each person to maximize their potential. All of those factors foster increased intimacy between mates.
Now on the other hand, unhealthy relationships are all consuming, discourage individual growth, and are full of insecurity and lack of trust. All attributes which are a recipe for an unhealthy, unhappy relationship over time.
Remain open and optimistic about what you want in your future relationships. Take your time, give yourself grace, and expect that the next chapter of your life will be better than the former.
Keep Moving Forward!
Andrea M. Stuckey