Dear Divorcée, – Keep the Faith (A poem)

Dear Divorcée, 

My Faith was a huge part of my healing during my divorce recovery process. The following is a poem that I wrote many years prior to both of my divorces. Little did I know how often I would read and recite it back to myself. 

Be encouraged.
Faith

To believe in your heart

Even though you can’t see

To believe in your mind 

What seems like can’t be.
God’s infallible Word

Stand firm, stand strong

Faith will carry you through

When times seem long.
So hold on with all power

Stand firm with your might 

Don’t give up on the battle 

But put up your best fight.
‘Cause in the end you will see

How faith brought you through 

Just stand on the Word,

God is waiting on you.
-Andrea Stuckey

©1997

Dear Divorcée- Life Changes Are Okay

Dear Divorcée,
I was recently talking with a friend about cooking meals and the like. I began to share how I used to cook three meals a day, bake my own bread from scratch ( even milling the wheat)and baking cakes and cookies. After the conversation, I realized how much my life has changed. To be honest, I felt a little sad.
I felt a little sad that I really can’t devote the time to those cooking adventures on a regular basis. As a single mom of an adult daughter ( who lives on her own), and a tween daughter, I realistically couldn’t do all of those things with my current responsibilities. I had to do a little self talk. I’m not cooking and baking outside of normal meals, but it’s okay. My life is full of meaningful friendships, family, and purpose. I am in a new season, and I can’t be everything to everybody.
In this season, I have traded baking bread for writing books. I am developing programs with purpose and coaching and imparting into people on a daily basis. To God be the glory!
Life will not be the same post divorce. We must embrace the change and the current season of our lives. It’s okay if there are things that we have to put on the back burner as a single parent or divorcée. We lose some things but we can gain much more, just in a different way.
Embrace the exchange.
-Andrea M. Stuckey

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Dear Divorcée- Beware of Pride

Dear Divorcée,

Divorce delivers many challenging life changes. We learn to deal with our out of control emotions and a host of new tasks. It is very important that we do not allow pride to override the spiritual, physical and emotional needs of ourselves and our family.

“The end of a matter is better that its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” -Ecclesiastes 7:8

Coming out of a marriage causes unexpected emotions of all sorts to rise between both individuals. Oftentimes, there can be a sense of competition between mates. It is important to recognize what is happening and don’t allow pride to overcome you because it can be detrimental to your divorce recovery.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” – Proverbs 16:18

As you walk along your divorce journey, don’t be defined by other people’s opinions, beliefs or views. Do what is right for you and your children. Put pride aside, and focus on real issues and real needs.

Be proactive in setting up and recognizing the various support systems that you need. Don’t be afraid, embarrassed or too prideful to ask for help or support when needed. 

Blessings,

Andrea M. Stuckey

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Dear Divorcée – Bury Bitterness

Dear Divorcée,

Coming out of a marriage it is very necessary to reflect on the relationship and acknowledge what really took place, take ownership of our contribution to the breakdown of the marriage and move forward.

Anger is a very normal part of the divorce recovery process and is very easy to identify because it displays itself outwardly. However, bitterness is a subtle emotion that is quiet and lays dormant, as an individual is resentful of something that has happened in the past.

Bitterness often displays itself in the form of passive aggressive behavior. If not released it can grow in our head, in our hearts, and in our spirits.

“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” – Hebrews 12:15

Bitterness can take hold of our being and cause us to close off our heart as it grows a “root” within us that will keep us from moving forward in our lives with all sort of future relationships. Bitterness demonstrates itself in consistent out of control negative talk about a person, continuing rehashing of a previous negative situation, and it may also manifest in physical symptoms or disease.

It is important to really forgive others and ourselves so that we don’t allow bitterness to take a hold of or hearts, mind and spirits. Forgive, forgive, forgive.

After going through two divorces, I understand firsthand how important forgiveness is to our own individual healing process, so that we can move forward in our lives. Forgiveness will allow us to live again, love again, and begin again.

Blessings,

Andrea M. Stuckey

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Dear Divorcée- Identifying Emotional Abuse

Dear Divorcée- Identifying Emotional Abuse

Dear Divorcée,

You matter and deserve to live a life filled with color, joy, peace, and fulfillment. -anonymous

Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that is often difficult to identify. Many have come out of emotional abusive relationships, wondering what happened and unaware of what emotional abuse is or looks like.

Emotional abuse is when one partner significantly controls the other by undermining his or her confidence, worthiness, growth, trust or emotional stability. Abusers also provoke fear or shame to manipulate or exploit another individual.

I am a survivor of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can tear you apart at your core, and it is vital that it is identified. Even if the relationship is over, it can have long-lasting effects.

Abuse is not love.

Here are 6 behavior traits of most abusive partners.

  • Low self-esteem
  • Selfish and narcissistic
  • Needy and demanding of you time and attention
  • Alcohol or drug abuser
  • Impulsive
  • Moody and unpredictable

Oftentimes, the abuser is dominating, controlling, demanding, manipulative, condescending, displays constant criticism, and keeps constant chaos.

These are a few identifiers to make you aware of what emotional abuse looks like in a relationship. These relationships are not only in marriages, but they can be in parent/child relationships, friendships, and familial relationships as well.

Emotional abuse can wear away at the victims self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem.

If you feel that you are in an emotional abusive relationship, or have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, seek support or help. You are not alone, and you can overcome the effects.

Blessings,

Andrea M. Stuckey

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