Dear Divorcée-Personal Reflection

Dear Divorcée,

They were times in my marriage, where I really felt at my lowest. I often wrote to release my sadness in the midst of that relationship. This a poem that I wrote during that time. It allows me to reflect on where I was, and where I am now.

I am not an advocate of divorce, because marriage is God’s perfect will. However, every situation is different, and for me, divorce was inevitable. I am thankful that God moved me beyond such a low point.

Sometimes we have to look past former hurts, to be grateful for where we are now, no matter what the situation currently looks like.

Use your past to propel your future.

Blessings,
-Andrea Stuckey
No Cure…

Dreary.. Weary..
My Heart Pours
Out All The Old Blood
And Pain

How do you fix the hole?
The emptiness..
Seems like no surgery
Can repair.

Vessels and veins
Leak failures
And disappointments
No doctor can diagnose

No cure
Only a miracle…

-Andrea Stuckey

Dear Divorcée-Stand.

Dear DivorcéeWhen those days or weeks come where it seems as though nothing is going right. Stand.

“You too, be patient and stand firm, the Lord’s coming is near.”-James 5:8

I can easily recall a very tough time along my divorce recovery journey where is seemed like so much was going wrong. I had been in my new location about 5 month’s working night shifts, getting off in the morning, getting a quick nap then teaching my 6yr old daughter for a few hours since I was still homeschooling at that time. After that, we’d jump into the minivan, and take my oldest daughter to outside classes either at the local community college, or at a co-op for homeschoolers. I was exhausted.

My oldest daughter has always been extremely gifted academically and athletically. She was a junior in high school, still being homeschooled and doing extremely well. She was also playing her last year of travel basketball doing well. Then it happened, the anger hit her. The anger of all of the changes, and the actual understanding that the move, the new life, was real.

Unfortunately, I became the scapegoat for all of the challenges that she was having. The anger, outbursts, and defiance were really more than I could handle. I was in a fragile state myself. I had family members, friends, and even her coach try to talk with her and encourage her. I felt helpless, at my wits end. As a forty something year old woman, I remember that I just wanted to lay my head in my mother’s lap and sob, but she was 8 hours away. And when I thought that I was feeling at the lowest as a mother, and her behavior was something that I never expected. She ran away.

Yes, she ran away. She got on a bus and went two hours away to a friend that she played basketball with in another city. I was devastated. I had to still work and take care of my youngest daughter. I would go in the bathroom at work and cry.

My daughter did call and let me know that she was ok, but did not say where she was. She was gone for two weeks. My heart ached. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I knew that she was ok. God began to give me peace in a situation that I did not understand. I had to stand and trust that He would take care of her, and me.

Long story short, I ended up going to pick her up. She was fine. However, it was at that time that I knew she needed counseling. As adults, I think that we can easily overlook the feelings that teens go through during a divorce. We may think that they know the why of the divorce because they are older, and that they should understand. I found that teens process divorce very differently. Counseling was the best thing that ever happened to her. She went on to graduate the following year from our local public school with honors, and had been inducted into the National Honor Society. She played basketball her senior year, and went on to receive academic scholarship offers from many schools, and ultimately chose a school where she studied civil engineering.

When things seem like they are falling apart, or are really falling apart, keep the faith and continue to stand. God will see you through any situation.

 

-Andrea Stuckey

 

Sent from Mail for Windows 10

Dear Divorcée – It wasn’t worth fighting for.

Dear Divorcée, 
Some things just aren’t worth fighting for. 
Going through the legal process during a divorce is enough to make you want to pull your hair out. Court dates, mediation, support and property issues are all part of the process. The longer that you were married, usually equates more to divide. Appointments with attorneys and clerks are not fun nor is the bill, however it is part of the process. Many couples are able to easily agree and be fair, that just wasn’t so in my case. 
For me, I had to decide what I was willing to fight for, and what I was not. Every part of the legal process costs, though there are many things you can do yourself. I fought for the obvious support mandated by my state. However, there were many items that I left behind, and many other assets that I chose not to fight for because emotionally and financially it was too draining FOR ME.
I was primarily concerned about the welfare of my children physically and emotionally. I really just wanted to move on and not be in and out of court for months, maybe even years. It just wasn’t worth it for me. It wasn’t worth fighting for. 
In that decision, I had many physical losses as It appeared. However, the peace and stability in the Lord that I found has no price tag. God provided our needs and opened doors that only God can open. God has restored more than I could have imagined. I have no regrets. 
If you haven’t had to make any major decisions in this area yet, just begin to pray and ask God for His divine guidance. Everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. Do what is right for you.
“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.”

-Isaiah 61:7
-Andrea Stuckey

Dear Divorcée – You are capable.

Dear Divorcée,
Do You believe in you? Have faith in God, and also have faith in yourself and your abilities.
Oftentimes in marriage, we allowed our spouses to do a lot of things for us, that we didn’t do for ourselves. That’s okay. It’s just that now you may have to do things that are uncomfortable and unfamiliar. You may not feel that you are capable, but you are.
When I was married, my ex husband handled all major financial decisions, he took the cars when they needed service work , he planned our trips, he took care of repairs etc. Initially after separating, I was used to defaulting to him for insight and questions which for me, was not a good thing. I began to seek God for guidance in certain areas, and I began to do my own research. I needed to learn how to make my own decisions.
What type of oil did I need in my old car? What type of insurance did I need for my new car? How often did my car need to be inspected? How much should I save/ invest for retirement? What about this new lawn I have, who’s going to cut it? What temperature should I keep the thermostat? I forgot to take the trash to the curbside too many times to count. I think that you get the picture. 
Along with God’s guidance, I read a lot about areas that I needed instruction. I had to develop in those areas. I also asked good friends and trusted family members for advice and assistance and suggestions. As you make new decisions, and become used to doing these things, your confidence will grow. With God on your side, you are more that capable.
Now I am an old pro at many things, but occasionally have challenges with other things. I’m still growing in areas, but I know that I am capable. That is what life is about, growing and developing.
Have faith in God, and have faith in yourself. Everything that you need is on the inside of you. Let your light rise and shine for the world to see!
-Andrea Stuckey

Andrea Stuckey

Dear Divorcée-Seek Support 

Dear Divorcée,
Support was key in my divorce recovery. Oftentimes, I did not want to share the unfavorable things that I was going through with anyone. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. Everyone thought I had such a great marriage. 

There were many times when I needed a sounding board or someone to just listen to what I was going through on a particular day. My Mom and another close friend were there for me and all of my ramblings at that time. I am thankful that I had them in my life. I also found support in counseling and coaching.

I encourage you to be open to the support of others. It is common to want to go through your changes alone due to shame, guilt or embarrassment. Be open to seek support from trusted individuals. It may be just what you need to take you through a particular challenging moment or day. 
-Andrea Stuckey