Dear Divorcée, Dealing with Self Doubt

Dear Divorcée,
I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it. -Kobe Bryant
How many times have you had a day like Kobe stated in the above quote? Maybe you just didn’t want to get up, or you were afraid of something that you had to do. It happens to us all especially when going through a divorce. Self doubts and fears are normal, but it’s what we do with those thoughts that makes the difference in our lives.

✨..casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..-2Corinthians 10:5✨
Contrary to popular belief, we can choose what we decide to think or meditate on. Going through a divorce can bring about many negative thoughts. When negative thoughts come, we must quickly replace them with something positive. When fear approaches, we mustn’t allow it to thwart our growth or progress. We must step out and do the thing that fears us anyway.
Pay close attention to your thoughts on a daily basis. Stay encouraged and do great things!
Keep Moving Forward,

Andrea M. Stuckey

Live Life Luvd Coaching


Dear Divorcée,  Don’t Focus On Past Mistakes

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down. -Mary Pickford

Dear Divorcée,

Know that any mistakes or failures that you may have made, are in the past and will stay in the past. Regardless of whether you’ve been through a divorce, regardless of whether you’ve had many losses in your life, regardless of whether you’re at a major cross road in your life right now, the past does not dictate your future. 
You have the ability to move beyond your past hurts, and you have the ability to move beyond your past failures. There is always another chance or opportunity for you to live better, love better, and allow joy into your life.
The first step is to forgive yourself. Don’t be your own roadblock to a happy and successful future. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to learn from the life lessons and move forward. Secondly, take time to gain clarity about what you REALLY want in your life. Think about that. What would you change? What would you absolutely love to have present in your life? What would you love to be doing on a regular basis?

Write the answers to those questions in a notebook or journal so that you can frequently view your desires and keep them before you. 
*Whatever you focus on will manifest.*
~Andrea M. Stuckey
Coach|Speaker |Author

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Dear Divorcée, – Rebuild Your Self Confidence.

Dear Divorcée,

The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. -William Jennings Bryan

Oftentimes, divorce has a way of stripping away self confidence. The trials and transitions can make you feel incapable, or fearful. One of the ways that self confidence is built, is through pushing yourself beyond fear and making accomplishments. Think back over the course of your life, and reflect on something that you were afraid of, but pushed through anyway. 
For women, having your first child is a great example. When the labor pains arrive, there is a sense of fear of the unknown. As the labor intensifies, you get impatient, but when it’s time to push, you give it all you’ve got. You push beyond the pain and discomfort to birth your baby and when you see that little face, you recognize that it was worth it, and you felt accomplished.
In order to rebuild your self confidence, you must push beyond your pain and fears. Begin with setting small goals for yourself on a weekly basis. As you accomplish those goals, it will continuously build your confidence a little at a time. Give yourself time and grace to rebuild.

What was the last thing thing that you accomplished and felt really good about? Focus on that, and know that you have great abilities within you. Keep Moving Forward.

Andrea M. Stuckey

Live Life Luvd Coaching 

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Dear Divorcée, – Dealing with Your Former Spouse’s New Relationship

Dear Divorcée,
There will come a time following a divorce, when you are coparenting, and a new romantic relationship comes on the scene. How will you handle it?
New relationships and remarriage of a former spouse can re-trigger the grieving process. If you have children and are coparenting, there are several things that you want to keep in mind in order for your children to remain stable during those transitions.
1. Don’t make your child feel disloyal for enjoying time with their other parent and new relationship.
        Allow them to thoroughly enjoy time with their other parent without feeling guilty.

2. Be accepting of the new relationship. 
        Discuss any true concerns with the other parent and not to the children.

3. Be flexible.
        Recognize that with a new mate and responsibilities that the other parent’s schedule may change until the transition becomes normal for all involved.

4. Keep a positive attitude. 
        Your children are watching you and will feed off of your behavior.

5. If you truly believe that the children are in danger or harms way, seek the proper support or legal counsel.
        Be sure not to conjure up issues that are not true or important because of your own emotional pain. It will only hurt the children in the long run.

Transitioning after a divorce encompasses a host of new territory for all involved. Always make it a habit to be fair and do the right thing, so that the right thing will always be done to you.
Hang in there! You are so much stronger than you think.

-Andrea M. Stuckey 
Live Life Luvd

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Dear Divorcèe, Remain Open for Healthy Relationships 

Dear Divorcée, 

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom. – Rabindranath Tagore
As you travel along your divorce journey, recognize that there is no set time for entering the realm of finding a new intimate relationship. Everyone’s journey is different, so don’t allow others to push you into a space that you are not ready for. However, when you find that you are ready to enter the dating space, remember that your goal is to seek a relationship that is healthy.

Oftentimes, it is easy to get caught up in the physical, social and spiritual attributes of a person, and forget the real qualities that foster a healthy, lasting relationship. You may have been in unhealthy relationships from the very beginning and may find it challenging to recognize what a healthy relationship looks like.

One of the key factors to consider before seeking a relationship, is to recognize where you are individually in your personal journey of life. That means, what are you doing that is great, or not so great physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially, and occupationally? You see, you don’t have to be perfect, however, you should be stable in each of those areas of your life before you decide to invite another individual into it. When you are broken and fragile, you invite broken and fragile into your life, and you know that the combination of broken + broken= broken.

It is imperative to take time after your divorce to heal and work on every area of your life. Divorce is a major life altering event that can shift various aspects of your life. Give yourself the opportunity to get to know you better, and gain clarity about what you truly want and need in the next chapter of your life.

A few key points to remember is that healthy relationships allow for individuality. Having your own interests and individual lives is important. Individuality keeps things interesting in the relationship, allows each person to be authentic, keeps personal boundaries in place, builds individual confidence and prevents each person from losing themselves while in the relationship. In addition, healthy relationships invite change and growth without insecurity, allowing each person to maximize their potential. All of those factors foster increased intimacy between mates.

Now on the other hand, unhealthy relationships are all consuming, discourage individual growth, and are full of insecurity and lack of trust. All attributes which are a recipe for an unhealthy, unhappy relationship over time.

Remain open and optimistic about what you want in your future relationships. Take your time, give yourself grace, and expect that the next chapter of your life will be better than the former.

Keep Moving Forward!

 Andrea M. Stuckey

Life Coach|Author|Speaker

Picking Up the Pieces After Divorce ebook
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Dear Divorcée, Take Back Your Power

Dear Divorcée,
“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”-Audre Lourde

Don’t be afraid to take your power back. When going through a divorce, oftentimes, you feel weak and powerless because of the transitions taking place in your life. However, fear not, be offensive minded. You don’t have to be on defense or be a victim. You have a say in what is happening in your life. Take time to think about the way that you desire to live the next chapter of your life and move forward in it. 
Don’t be afraid to make changes, become a better person, or embark on a new dream or desire. You may feel a little fear, but step out anyway! You got this.
Andrea M. Stuckey

Live Life Luvd
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Dear Divorcée-Take Care of Yourself

“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.”– Doe Zantamata

Life is good. You ARE good. Keep moving, keep growing, keep striving for everything that you desire. If you need a moment to regroup, give yourself grace, take the the time that you need, then get back up and keep moving. Allow your beautiful light to shine in everything that you do. Don’t allow others to dim your light.
Remember to take some time for you. Something that you enjoy, that will put a good laugh in your spirit and a smile on your face. Put it in your plans. It is vital that you take great care of yourself, even in the midst of all of the transitions of divorce. Self care after a divorce is what will give you the ability to keep moving forward, even when you think you can’t. It will keep you from becoming overwhelmed and having additional stressors.
Take Care of You! You deserve it!
Andrea Stuckey

Live Life Luvd
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